Seduction leads to destruction

my only exception

: tarahisbadnews; December 15th, 23:43

Current Mood:: grateful

Current Music:: Paramore

please let this last forever.

Tags: you.

A response for my refresh button

: tarahisbadnews; December 13th, 0:56

I love you too.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Tags: via ljapp

(no subject)

: tarahisbadnews; December 12th, 20:28

ciI feel like running. as far as i can. forever.
i feel like standing in the pouring rain.
it's all smoke and mirrors and i'm just here.
i feel so l o s t.
everyone always talks and when you get straight down to it, it's not fireworks and miracles. its one thing that brings every emotion rushing out at speeds you can't even describe.
it isn't bad. it isn't good. it's just...real.it's life.

i just had a near life experience.
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be...
be...

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up, take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now come down
Let the rain come down

My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

by the way; if you ever read my livejournal again, ever. i just want to let you know that you really fucked me up. kudos.
but either way i'm in a better position than you are. Jail, huh? sucks for you. i'm in love.

Touch me.

: tarahisbadnews; December 9th, 23:45

I don't have much to say.
but i'll start it at the basic fact that i'm living day-to-day, keeping my future in check.
He means everything to me, and as i said before "my own depth of emotion is surprising me"
it doesn't surprise me anymore, it's nice.
it's comfortable.
I get why everyone is so obsessed with it.
I'm just so worn out, i feel like i've stretched myself too far, but i'm not nearly as far as i'll be soon.
May whatever God there is be with me. x_x

i'm a doll, so burn me, burn me.

: tarahisbadnews; December 7th, 16:52

basicallllly,
school sucks, i'm all about getting better at everything, skating and the gym are my life and tyler is in a hella lot of trouble thanks to meeee.
cool.
diego and i almost got killed on the way to school.
sucksucksucks
at least i landed a clean double axel during the show <3

paparrazi.

: tarahisbadnews; December 2nd, 22:56

Current Mood:: blank

Current Music:: Lady

You scratch. And you scratch. and you scratch. In reality your trying to fix the problem. Something itches, so you scratch it. But your reality is not the world's reality. In the worlds reality your visciously ripping apart the skin your body has tried so hard to keep healthy. Your imbedding the dirt from under your finger nails deep into your outer coverings. Not only is your body disgusted with you, but your disgusted with your redness, with your scars. But that's a different story, isnt it?

Your reality is not the world's reality.

And neither is mine.
My life is so uncorrupted. It's beautiful. It really is. It's a phantasmagoria lately.
It's my dreams and my reality visciously clashing into one. But it's all arguments and strange rememberences. It's falling asleep and being in love. I'm awake. I'm dreaming. I'm in school. I'm on the ice. I'm at the gym. I'm at work. I want tyler. I want sleep. I want the moon. I want the sky. I want the world. I want everything.

Lady GaGa is God.
Diego and i have been arguing non-stop. If we're together; we're arguing. It's terrible and it's stressful. I hate it.
Tyler is more or less the most important person in my life. It's new, and i love it.
School is terrible; i wake up every morning wishing I didn't.
I want to live and breathe and die pretty.

(no subject)

: tarahisbadnews; November 26th, 15:26

I love thanksgiving.
I love being threatened and yelled at.
I love watching my brother throw himself out of a moving car
I love not having thanksgiving dinner
I love crying in my room by myself.
BTVS, FTW.

(no subject)

: tarahisbadnews; November 23rd, 22:09

You have never given me any reason to doubt you at all. I doubt you because i don't believe this can be real.
Come on, i'm a pessimist, remember? I can't look at this and believe it's all sunshiney, unicorney happiness. I have to look for the dark, depressing problem that's just lurking underneath all the rainbows.
Although, I feel like you'd be interested to know that I have come to the conclusion that is just sunshine and unicorns and rainbows.
and i really am this lucky.

The good moments make it okay.

I hate saying i'm sorry, because it seems like I have to say it so often.

Tags: 3 months.

Cherrycherryboomboom.

: tarahisbadnews; November 22nd, 22:24

Current Mood:: quixotic

Current Music:: Lady Gaga

Two days of school and then i have a breeeaaaakkk! Thank godddd.
I can't wait for the holidays.
Tyler and I went to the beach today, it was dreamy.

I always look prettier in his eyes.

Tags: covet me.

Two bottles of goose, that's geese.

: tarahisbadnews; November 18th, 23:22

Current Mood:: predatory

Current Music:: Lady

School is a waste. Skating is amazing. Life is whatever. I am back to myself.

Today Allen and I decided to mess around with skating pairs together, it was SO much fun. I know we'll probably go through some tests together but it would be even cooler if we could compete. If we got a title, i could easily make it in shows and that would be ideal.
In other news, I'm a raging psycho bitch, so....nothing has changed. I continue to wage war upon anyone who causes me the slightest bit of annoyance, namely...everyone. As i said above, School is a waste of my time and energy. I feel like I shouldn't be bothered with such trivial worries. Am I in that superior mood? I've been in that superior mood for the past few days, i enjoy my little superior bubble of time-wasting and glance-giving. Is that bad? yes.

~~Whatever.~~

I haven't seen Tyler in two days, therefore proving my mothers point that if I will not die if I do not see him every minute of my life.
I sound so gosh-darn unhappy. I'm not. i'm just critical of the universe. Sorry. My mind is on fashion, music and figure skating.

Tags: i'm already at the top

I am

: tarahisbadnews; November 15th, 19:01

So incredibly blessed.
and i know that doesn't sound like me, trust me, i know.

Over my head.

: tarahisbadnews; November 11th, 1:52

Current Music:: Panic! at the disco

There is a white dove that has taken residence on the roof of my house. I don't really know what to think. Doves are supposed to symbolize peace, but really; has there been much peace going around in my house lately? Negative. In the Bible (oh yes, i do my research!) The holy spirit takes the form of a dove and fly's down to Jesus....did he get lost on the way to Jesus' house and stop to take a break on the roof of mine for a few days? o_o

ALTHOUGH apparently in the movie the fourth kind, white owl's stare into people's houses watching them (I am getting so paranoid while typing this, i swear) scouting out for the alien's...

SO either
A) Peace/The Holy Spirit has come to my house in the form of a pretty birdie
or
B) I'm being scouted for alien abduction. *twitch*

I'm strange, i know. whatever. today was mediocre. skating was great.

Tags: dove

block it out, tarah. just block it out.

: tarahisbadnews; November 9th, 23:04

Current Mood:: annoyed

it runs in the family.

gosh. that really worried me for awhile. flashbacks. ~~fuck.~~

My boyfriend and my bestfriend are my reasons for smiling.
always.
Skated good. school was decent. I have such trouble making friends, it make's me laugh. I feel like i'm really dropping
the ball on this whole...schoolwork thing. oopsiedaisies. i am a sensation in my own mind.

Tags: i'm begging you. take him back.

what's the movie 'dead birds' about?

: tarahisbadnews; November 8th, 21:52

My mistress with a monster is in love.

: tarahisbadnews; November 8th, 1:54

Current Mood:: calm

This is the happiest i've been for a long time. I have everything I need.
This is something so much better than originally expected.

"Tarah, are you watching buffy the vampire slayer?
"...no..."
"Tarah, are you lying to me?"
"...yes..."

Oh, God.

: tarahisbadnews; November 3rd, 0:11

Current Mood:: contemplative

Current Music:: Jewel

I'm so wrapped up in my emotions, in your emotions, in everything that could possibly involve feeling something, exploring something, experiencing something. God, what i've become lately! It makes me laugh, because it's so much better then i could have hoped for.
I said i wouldnt do this, i promised myself, i convinced myself things like this dont happen, feelings like this are imagined.
Are they? I still question it, but God, it seems so real.

Why I'm talking to God, i couldn't tell you.

It's just another word in my vocabulary to stress importance because, God, if anything is important it's this. to me, anyways. I've lived in fear of my own vulnerablity and now ive put myself into one of those positions in which, as Chuck says, I'm risking being completely cut open. I can't believe myself. I'm supposed to be the one with the knife. I can't believe the depths of my emotions, of what i said. of what he responded.
Oh, God, please tell me i'm not imagining this, and if I am, let me imagine it longer

. I feel like i'm lacking the rationality and analytical study I spend so much energy pouring in to every other aspect of my life, but then again, thing's like these dont really involve much analyzing or rational thought. I think that would take the beauty out of it. This is completely a heart thing.
I have a heart!
God, I have a heart!

i can't

: tarahisbadnews; November 2nd, 0:10

even begin to explain how absolutely lovely everything has been.
halloween horror nights was amazing.
i feel like everything has been so incredibly worth it. i'll write more later.

I've got headaches and bad luck but they couldn't touch you

: tarahisbadnews; October 28th, 20:22

Current Mood:: crappy

You see, when i start to cry it opens this door and lets all of these huge problems come rushing in, and they seem to just drown me.
Turn off the lights and turn off the shyness
Cause all of our moves make up for the silence
And oh, the way your makeup stains my pillowcase

Like I'll never be the same

whatever. i have a 4 day weekend. Halloween is soon. cool. whateverrrr.
i'm mad. but what else is new.